My journey as a mother was not an easy one, but it was still filled with love and growth for both my children and me.

My name is Mary, and I am a proud mother of 2. My journey as a mother was not an easy one, but it was still filled with love and growth for both my children and me. My first child is diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum, while my second child is dyslexic.  Back then in 2015, there was very little awareness of special needs, and even less accommodation for children with them. Schools rejected my children because they simply did not accept children with special needs. I even went as far as to approach an MP for help, however, the support we were given was simply insufficient. On top of this issue, we were struggling financially as well, as I had to give up my job in order to take sufficient care of my children.

My ex-spouse wasn’t supportive in the slightest either. Whenever my child had a meltdown in public, people would stare. They looked at me as though I didn’t know how to manage my own child. For the most part, it felt like I was alone in the relationship. There was a lot of miscommunications between us, resulting in many arguments. I think a lot of those arguments and miscommunications centred around the fact that we did not expect our parenthood journey to be that difficult and challenging. In hindsight, that marriage was not good for me anyway, as it made me feel like a soulless doll. Each time we had an argument, I would neglect my feelings and just abide by everything my ex-spouse demanded. At some point, even my friends pointed out that I was no longer my own person. It almost felt as though my true self was trapped in a dark room.

Life was a struggle, but I took it head-on. My children were my anchor. The hardest part of my parenting journey was patience; whenever I wanted to teach my first child simple tasks like pouring soup into a cup, I had to break my instructions down into simple steps. In addition, these instructions had to be repeated daily for a total of two years before it really sank in. However, any frustration or issue the day brought, my children made it well worth to power through.  My parents were a big help as well, they made things a lot easier by helping with some of my responsibilities. It would have been so much more difficult if I was truly on my own, and for that I really do appreciate their help. At some point, my child was cycling between having meltdowns in the day and struggling to sleep at night. As hard as I tried, I simply did not have enough capacity to continue groping around in the dark for a solution. I was determined to give my children the best environment for growth, but to do that, I needed more help.

So, my search began, scouring social media for support groups and tips on parenting. Eventually, I found a support group for parents of children with special needs. There, I met people who could relate to my struggle, as I could for theirs. We shared our experiences and tips on how we could better parent our children, as well as resources. If there was one thing that comforted me, it was that I was not alone. I realised that my struggle is not isolated, and that there are many more who go through the same.

Through social media, I also found HCSA Community Services, which was a huge help for me. HCSA Dayspring SPIN (Single Parents INformed, INvolved, INcluded) provided counselling, and I did not realise how much I needed it. The counsellor helped me recognise my own emotions and feelings, and that those deserved to be affirmed. I never realised I repressed my feelings, up till that point. I realised that I should be able to navigate the emotions I felt, rather than store them in a jar and keep them away. It really helped me move on from my experiences and traumas, as opposed to living in the past.

HCSA Dayspring SPIN also regularly invited me to events and workshops. While it may seem trivial, the invitations really helped with my feelings of solitude as well. One thing that was particularly memorable was a resume writing workshop that HCSA Dayspring SPIN organized. It really helped me in my goal of kick starting my career again. There were also many opportunities for my children and I to have fun at those events. On top of all this, HCSA Dayspring SPIN also provided us with groceries and tuition for my younger child, which lightened the load by a lot.

Content. That is how I feel looking back at my journey. It finally felt like there was light seeping into that dark room I was locked in. My life now is a lot more stable, both emotionally and financially. I’ve gotten a flexible job to help with my financial situation (even though their support and understanding of people on the spectrum could be greatly improved). I’ve learnt how to manage my children better, I’ve learnt how to manage my emotions better, I’ve even learnt how to have fun on my own. I discovered that I love crocheting. I’ve also learned to dream. My dream is to open a café or bistro because I love food, want to work for myself, and also provide work opportunities for other people with special needs. I want to be a beacon of light for other parents who are wandering in the dark. I want to send the message that they should hold on dearly to hope. We need to have faith in ourselves, and that for every downslope, there must be a rise.

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