I am on the road of recovery.
Let me begain with a confession.
I never had a good relationship with my father. If someone asks, 'how's your father' I lie and say 'he's good'. There were so many things wrong with our relationship, my father and I, and its painful to talk about it.
When I met my husband, he asked me 'why do you have so much self doubt?' Being a very observent person he noticed that I was always asking for his approval...'is the food ok?', 'did I do this right?', 'are you happy with me?'. I told him that onceupon a time when I was younger and cuter, my father would tell me that I would never amount to anything.He also told me that with out his money I was a nobody. I could go on, but again, its too painful.
My story is not about pain, is about the amazing power 'love' has above all trails and tribulations,so stick with me will ya? When we got married my husband and i, we got pregnant, and misscarried...we cried and hug each other every night.Today we have a 2 year old daughter (who drives me insane mind you). I watched my husband love her, support her, and tell her 'you can do it sayang!'. I watch them laugh and kiss and fight and kiss again. I might have never had that chance with my father, but I am thankful that my daughter does and that is all that matters. I learned that to break the cycle of pain is to invest in more love, no matter what the past has done to you. Your children are a reflection of yourself, love them even when it seems impossible (i'm not saying spoil them rotten), kiss them (after you've given them a lecture) when they spill a big bowl of mac and cheese on the floor, tell them you love them at night before bed, hold their hand and tell them mommy and daddy is here for you.
Words do hurt a lifetime, I am a living proof, but please don't feel sorry for me, smile because I am certain that this too shall pass. Smile, because there's nothing more beautiful to know that everything heals. LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT TO BE.Spare your children the constant self doubt I had all my life.Especially if you have a daughter,teach her the sky is the limit, she is free to dance in the rain and she can play professional football if she wants to!
I am on the road of recovery , my therpahy is to love my child everyday, everynight for the rest of my life,and watching my dear husband (who I still don't understand why he married me) give my daughter the best fatherly love. Thank you, my husband, for loving our daughter.
Nurul Alia Al-Hassan