You'll only find art in yourself.

Art saved my life. And i had meant to say that in the most literal way i possibly could.

I found it in the darkest times when i felt like i had lost everything important in my life; my grandmother which i regard as my own mother, my relationship with a planned engagement, my bachelors degree, my business and all my money, and a few other things that happened around the same time. Basically i had lost the best of me. My future felt uncertain at this point, and I've given up trying to make sense of living. Art was the only thing that i felt sure of at that time, something that i felt i really belong to at the end. Drawing is just something I've always liked to do since i was a kid, my form of escapism. Since i was young however, I never had the chance to go to art galleries or museums or study arts academically, but i somehow just went back to the only one thing that i can at least confidently say "yes, I'm quite good at it".

So that was when i started drawing again and exploring new ways to express myself. I started picking up spray cans and painted on walls illegally, never even expecting that one day ill be making a living out of all these things. I never thought of painting to survive at that time, i only painted because i survived after all that, so i'd rather spent my time doing something that i love since i am still alive. This is where i can testify and say that, you don't find art in galleries, you don't find art in museums, you don't find art in academic institutions, you don't find art in the streets, etc etc. These are just methods, and it goes differently for different people. At the end of the day you'll only find art in yourself, in doing what you're passionate about and doing what you naturally love, whatever it may be. Art is not just pretty things on canvas, it could be in whatever form you intend it to be.

I have had a fair share of ups and downs in my adolescent years. And somewhere along the downward spiral of depression that i have trailed before, I've made a lot of choices that i can never say I'm proud of. Despite this, i can say with conviction that i would never want to frown upon the decisions that i had made and regret them, whether bad or good, for these are the things that made me who i am today.

I had learned to come to terms with the past, and see it as a reminder for two things: lessons, if they were negative; and inspiration, if they were positive. I am also learning to embrace the present and to focus my energy in the Now, to let my judgements be defined by intentions of goodwill for the benefit of every living things.